Welcome to another Thursday UNFILTERED blog post, the only blog that believes it has discovered the time God formed the first man. Adam was created just a little before Eve.
So what’s the one habit that can quietly kill you? No, I’m not talking about eating gas station sushi.
Last week, I watched a documentary about a famous celebrity who died too young. The official cause of death was a heart attack. But the real cause? He could not say no.
He couldn’t say no to requests. To opportunities. To the endless parade of people who wanted a piece of him. He kept giving and giving until there was nothing left to give—including his life.
He was a people pleaser, and that’s what killed him.
This isn’t a rare story. It’s played out with famous musicians, ministers, executives, and ordinary people who never made the news.
The pattern is always the same: a person with gifts and influence gets swallowed alive by the demands of others. And somewhere along the way, they lose themselves entirely.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth few want to say out loud: people pleasing is not a virtue. It’s a slow death.
If you fail to set boundaries, most people will unknowingly drain you. They’ll keep taking until your well runs dry. The cycle never stops. It’s a bottomless cup of tea.
For God’s people especially, the pressure is enormous.
We’re taught to serve. To give. To love our neighbors. And those are good God-honoring things. But somewhere the message gets distorted, and “love your neighbor” becomes “never disappoint anyone, ever, under any circumstance. Grant every request and never offend.”
So we say yes when we mean no. We smile when we’re depleted. We show up for everyone else while quietly falling apart on the inside.
Personally, I hate saying no to requests. I don’t like disappointing people.
But there’s an important lesson I learned. And I dedicated an entire chapter to it in my book, 48 Laws of Spiritual Power. It’s Law 2 – Do Not Be a People Pleaser.
Time is a limited, non-renewable resource. Consequently, every yes you give to a request out of pressure is a no to something that matters more.
The Boundary Is the Point
Many years ago I decided to stop negotiating with myself every time someone made a request. Instead, I set clear, non-negotiable boundaries, and I don’t move them for anyone. (And to the spiritually-inclined, yes, I believe they were all approved by the Lord.)
A few examples:
*I don’t talk on the phone or Zoom except with family, close friends, my literary agent, publishers or if I’m being interviewed for a radio show or podcast. (I only use Zoom for podcast interviews. Nothing else.)
*I’m unable to meet my readers for coffee or meals unless I’m already in their particular city for a speaking invitation. In those cases, I meet many people face to face. (For this reason, those who wish to meet me in person typically recommend me to a nearby church or a conference they plan to attend, encouraging them to invite me to speak.)
*If a church, event, or Bible school wants me to speak, it must be live and in person. No Zoom. No virtual appearances. It has to be face-to-face and live, not online. If that doesn’t work for someone, I’m genuinely sorry, but the boundary doesn’t move.
*If a podcaster wants to interview me, I don’t appear on camera. I use a still image with audio. There are specific reasons for this, and it’s how I roll. With the exception of one, every podcaster has respected it. (Most people consume video podcasts passively, anyway. They listen instead of watch.)
Do some people find this rigid? Perhaps. Do I lose opportunities because of it? Maybe a few, but I’ve never lost any that were aligned with my specific mission.
The result is that I sleep well and have God’s peace in my heart.
Sabotaging Oneself
Here’s where most people quietly sabotage themselves. They set a boundary, then break it for the a certain person, a certain platform, or a certain organization.
And the moment you do that, the boundary was never real. It was just a preference, and preferences cave under pressure.
I’ll leave you with this thought.
That celebrity didn’t die because he was generous. He died because he never learned that generosity without limits isn’t generosity; it’s self-destruction with a smile on it.
If you want a longer life and deeper impact, stop trying to please everyone. Ask God what He’s specifically called you to, set your boundaries accordingly, and hold the line. Always stay in your lane. Not out of stubbornness, but out of stewardship.
Your yes only means something when your no means something too.
Never forget that.
Yours to a peaceful life,
fv
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