If you ever listen to a pastor, teacher, or conference speaker rehearse a story, you’ll often hear them say something like this:
“After I finished my talk last month, someone came up to me and asked . . .”
The phrase “someone came up to me” is a well-worn statement that’s unthinkingly repeated by speakers, both Christian and non-Christian alike.
These speakers hear others use it, then they unwittingly use it without a thought.
I used to use it myself until someone challenged me to examine the phrase over a decade ago.
Think about what those words convey.
Someone came UP to you. That being translated means: the poor plebes must ascend to Mount Olympus in which you stand to ask you their puny question.
Okay, that may be exaggerating, but it’s not far off the mark.
When this was pointed out to me, I stopped using the phrase immediately.
How about saying, someone asked me this question …?
Or even, someone walked over to me and said … ?
Why do they always have to come UP to you?
If you’re a speaker, consider it.
And the next time you hear someone make this statement, send them this blog post.
They’ll either thank you for it or they’ll flame you with some not so kind words (defensive souls they are).
If you missed it: Deja vu with Jason Bourne
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To all who commented: Please read the comments by others and my replies to them on this thread. Those comments and my replies contain the answers to some of the other comments here. They cover a lot of ground, especially the bit about “mere words” and the way a certain word can be used or interpreted. Due to a lack of time, I rarely if ever repeat the same idea. Thanks!
Great post! I’m thankful for friends who have shocked me into removing bad phrases from my lexicon. One of the worst – in response to a question: “I’ll be honest…” Ya gotta wonder if that’s the only time the speaker wasn’t lying.
Also, “…and without further ado…” Man, that’s so overused when introducing someone else.
But the WORST thing a speaker (especially a pastor) can do is to is to use someone as an example of a point they’re trying to make. “A woman came up to me during the break and asked me (fill in the blank). She didn’t hear a thing I said during that last session!”
And finally, since I’m getting this all off my chest, I really dislike it when a pastor/teacher is critical of people because they don’t understand a particular principle that may be obvious to him or her. For example, a person or group that doesn’t have a firm concept of grace. I’ve heard teachers be so condescending toward others on subjects like this. What they fail to understand is that most people get their beliefs from their pastor. Very few pastors (shepherds) consistently encourage their “flock” to dig into Scripture on their own. My wife’s family raises sheep out west. They’re stupid animals and need to be cared for. If they get hurt, or lost, or do something dumb, no one every blames the sheep. They blame the shepherd. Even Jesus understood this simple concept. He criticism was directed toward the religious leaders, who put burdens on the people.
OK – I feel better now!
Mike, glad you appreciate the post. As both Priscilla and Jeff pointed out, these are subtle issues that communicate something we usually don’t intend nor realize.
You’ve pointed out yet another. Prefacing sentences with “honestly.” Or saying, “Let me be honest …” Whether the one saying this realizes it or not, it communicates that the rest of what they are saying is untrue.
There’s also another discussion of how the tone, vocabulary, and body language changes when some people preach or wax on about spiritual things. And this happens quite unconsciously. The same with prayer.
It’s part of what we learn in religion; we are taught to be religious without realizing it.
There’s a whole universe here that’s largely untapped today.
I’m glad this post has helped a lot of people. Some well-known preachers have written me privately expressing appreciation and admitting they never thought about this before. This despite that some don’t understand the nuances I’m bringing out — which go way beyond mere figures of speech. What’s “common” doesn’t negate the subtle impression something communicates. As with all speech, including profanity, there’s a lot more behind the mere words and motives.
I appreciate your insight.
P.S. Regarding the shepherd metaphor, what you say works in that human shepherds do carry a responsibility – more than many realize or wish to own – regarding the flocks they care for. On the other hand, Jesus is the Chief Shepherd and He’s very patient with His sheep. Thank God.
“Came up to me…” just verbally reinforces a message already echoing through the sanctuary, in the position of chairs and podium and worship team and stage, in the obligatory passive silence of the audience… The most impacting messages in church for me have been situational, behavioral, in-between-the-lines messages, especially when they contradict what is ostensibly presented.
Bingo! It really does reverberate this dichotomy of those on the “platform” being superior/higher than those in the “pews.” Again, all of this is keenly subtle, but it communicates volumes at a subterranean level, despite ones intentions.
Brilliant observation! It’s a subtle thing that has nothing to do with intention but with things we never think about that convey an image subtly.
It reminds me of the whole platform and the clergy/laity division that Barna and you point out in one of your older books.
Thanks for making me aware of this as – like so many other things you talk about – I never gave it a thought, so like you I’m going to stop using the term. The power of subconscious stuff like this that we just hear and pass on without examining.
I just read about Ministrymind 2015 and it sounds phenomenal. Sign me up and keep these challenges coming.
Precisely! You nailed it. It has nothing to do with motives.
Thanks for “getting it,” Jeff. I’m receiving similar feedback from Facebook friends. ‘Tis encouraging. 🙂